MISERY MEMOIR MEETS SELF HELP So many people felt compelled to tell their stories of woe that a whole new genre was created: misery memoirs. But simply telling your story won’t heal it or make it go away. Haven’t we all listened to a friend go on and on about a past event, telling their story over and over, but it never seems to change. The emotions and hurt are still there. Every time! But, if you tell your story in such a way that you release and complete the emotional trauma, you heal and transform the event. It no longer carries a charge. It’s done. By using her own dramatic life as an example, Eva illustrates how to do this, then shares the secrets behind the transformation. Since the release of The Naked Truth (the 1st edition of Secrets of Transformation) in 2003, readers say the book helped them heal or gain a new perspective on family dynamics, abuse, codependency, therapy, life… most found it a spell-binding read, unable to put it down until the very last page. This 2nd edition is much expanded (by a third). The story picks up five years later (life is never static, or done, is it?) with some surprising twists and turns. The section on how to tell your own healing story has a number of new chapters as well.
© 2008 Eva Dillner
Publisher: DIVINE DESIGN
6″x9″, 240 pages
Digital Audio 9 hours
e-book in pdf, EPub and Kindle formats
- Book Review: Secrets of Transformation Bookshelf Confessions 2/27/2012
- Dance as a therapeutic tool British Complementary Medicine Association News BCMA UK May/June 2005
- Min man försökte döda mig Året Runt nr 10/2004
- Eva Dillners livsterapi Vimmerby Tidning 1/28/2004
- Skriver för livet Vimmerby Tidning 1/22/2004
- New Age in Sweden New Age Retailer Magazine, USA, May/June 2004
- Boundaries disappearing for writers, publishers North County Times, San Diego, CA 1/23/2004
- Eva Dillner, författare och målare i Paradis Smålandstidningen 12/2/2003
It Started like a Fairy Tale
He was Prince Charming. At first. The abuse came later, when he thought he owned her. It started with verbal attacks.
She had done something wrong, he screamed. She couldn’t do anything right, it seemed. Other days, Prince Charming was back. One day he raped her. On two occasions he tried to kill her.
She went on a quest to heal, to understand, to gather the pieces of the puzzle, to make whole. Her inner and outer journeys took her deep into a chain of ancestral pain. Along the way she learned the secrets of transformation. She left the past behind and changed her life.
Are you tired of tripping over your past? Do you keep repeating the same relationship scenarios over and over again? Do you wonder why some people manage to move past the dreadful things that have happened to them? Find out how to quit your whining, leave your baggage behind and create a new you.
The inspiration to write this book came from a magazine article about me that appeared in Allas Veckotidning in Sweden (nr5/2002). The journalist wanted to understand some of the relationship issues I had faced, and asked me to write down some of my story. I ended up writing about my ex-husband. He originally seemed like Prince Charming but turned out to be quite the opposite. Jeff was an alcoholic, was mentally and physically abusive, raped me, put me through several car accidents and tried to kill me several times. I found that writing about my experience and the dramatic ending to our marriage on Christmas Eve 1979 was very cathartic. It was hard to write. I had to force myself to sit at my computer until I had “sausaged” my way through it. The writing helped me release emotional energy that I hadn’t been able to get at before. It was quite an exercise in therapeutic storytelling. You could say I’d written a transformational tale. Instead of just telling your story like a piece of baggage you are doomed to carry forever, you get totally honest with yourself and bring all the emotions to the table, to be released and let go. You take responsibility for the part you played, you own the choices you made, the intensity fades. Then it’s easy to forgive and let go. The story no longer owns you.
When my article came out, I was a bit overwhelmed by the number of people who called me. Their reactions really got to me. They were stunned. I kept hearing, “I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you.” Listening to their normal reactions was very healing and very touching. Tears welled up into my eyes and overflowed. I finally got that what I had been through was not the kind of experience where you dust yourself off and bounce back into life. I don’t think I’d understood until then that my life hadn’t been normal.
Kairos Therapist Carol Logan, who has an extensive background working with abuse clients, says that telling your story is an important aspect of healing long term abuse. In telling your story you are finally heard and acknowledged. You get feedback of what is actually normal. You come to understand that your dysfunctional past is not the norm for much of the population. And, you find out you are not alone. There are an amazing number of people who share much of my experience. There is tremendous power in acknowledging, “It really was that bad,” as Carol coached me one therapy session
This book started out as an exercise in writing my story as a transformation tale. I’ve had lots of therapy but I felt it was time to write my story as I remember it. To squeeze out what remains of emotional wounds and betrayals so I can be free of the past, put it behind me and get on with the future.
In the past I have hesitated. I didn’t want to hurt the people I would be writing about. I suppose because of some misguided sense of protecting them. But what about me? If I tell my story truthfully, then that is what it is. If people would be hurt or ashamed of the action I attribute to them, is that not their responsibility? I can only be responsible for my own emotions and healing.
It’s impossible to remember verbatim what anyone said, and anything I describe will be colored by my version of the truth. The people I write about would likely describe the events differently, from their viewpoint. My intention is to describe what has happened to me for the purpose of healing. And to do it as truthfully as I can, without blame, and let the raw emotion surface and release.
This is my story, about my truth and my journey. As the saying goes “the truth shall set you free.”
This book is divided into several sections. First comes the therapeutic storytelling, illustrating the secrets of transformation. Through applying the secrets, the story comes alive and becomes a transformational, or healing tale. Secrets in Action contains the original material from The Naked Truth, followed by Five Years Later which, naturally enough, are about what’s come to light since the original publication, including some startling revelations. In the Secrets of Transformation, I further explain how to become free of the patterns of the past. This section has several new chapters as well. You could think of this as the theoretical part whereas the story is the application part. To really learn something, you need to understand the underpinnings as well as how to apply it in real life. Here you get both.
There are also some Diary Entries of material that surfaced while I was in the process of writing this book. This text is in italics.
Although my story is presented in essentially chronological order, it was not written that way. Just like in therapy, the story did not unravel chronologically, but as one memory surfaced and cleared, another would make it’s presence known. The main story is written around key relationships that have affected me deeply, in one way or another.
Who would have thought, that what started out as an exercise in writing my own transformation tale would turn out to be such a spellbinding story, keeping readers riveted to it until the last page? When first published in 2003 as The Naked Truth, the intended market was therapists and their clients. The interest base turned out to be considerably larger, as my international speaking tours have shown.
Readers comment that the book helped them gain a new perspective on their own lives. There is a recognition of similar experiences that help heal the past. Many are surprised it is such an easy read, considering the depth of the pain explored. One would expect that the story would be heavy and difficult to handle. The key, dear readers, lies in squeezing out the emotions so that the memory becomes a neutral event.
As you read, if you encounter a passage that rings a bell or feels difficult, simply pause and put the book down and let yourself feel. Close your eyes and just be with whatever sensation or memory wants to bubble up. Let it come. Surrender to it, gently. Allow it. You may be inspired to work it out in therapy or through personal development classes.
This revised, and considerably expanded second edition of The Naked Truth has a new title, Secrets of Transformation. For anyone wanting to understand what it means to be human, let the story begin…
Table of Contents
Audio 1 (71:36)
It Started like a Fairy Tale 1
Secrets in Action 7
Audio 2 (66:24)
He Called me Angel 35
Audio 3 (57:24)
Audio 4 (66:48)
Moving Home 81
Audio 5 (72:48)
Something is Missing 114
A Catalyst Walks In 119
A Pivotal Session 133
Audio 6 (71:48)
Five Years Later 139
The Penny Drops 140
Half a Breath 147
Walking on Eggshells 148
Mixed Feelings 153
Ancestral Assistance 158
Karmic Soup 164
Audio 7 (66:48)
Secrets of Transformation 171
Writing a Transforming Tale 172
Make it Real 175
It’s not About Them 178
Everyone You Meet Is Wounded 181
Owning Your Part 186
A Humane Society for Humans? 188
Be True to Yourself 190
True Giving 192
ITA – Inspiration Take Action 194
Windows of Opportunity 198
Audio 8 (75:30)
Trades = Swaps 202
Emotions and Life Energy 204
Shen and Beyond 206
Ancient Egypt 210
Chaos and the Creative Void 213
Risking it All 215
Thou Shalt Do Thy Inner Work 217
Avoidance Anyone? 226
The End of Drama 231
About Eva Dillner 235
Order Books 239